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What the Obituary couldn't say...
Grandpa Bill.
To most people in our extended family, those titles bring to mind a kind man, blessed in many ways. Brother, husband, father, grandfather, great-grandfather, uncle and great-uncle. Four generations, young and old alike, spent the past two days remembering one of the most beloved and influential men in all of our lives.
His physical body was interred at Jefferson Barracks National Cemetery. Flags flew at half-staff and Taps echoed over the surrounding hills. I'm sure Uncle Bill was watching us all, though, smiling down from the clouds that hung over St. Louis all day.
I'm just a great-niece, in this case. I lost my own grandparents years ago, and to this day, Uncle Bill and Aunt Mae were surrogate grandparents to me and Mark. They were Grandpa Bill and Grandma Mae to 11 grandkids and three great-grandkids, so far. We spent holidays with them and their kids and grandkids. We shared meals, stories and millions of laughs. Cups of Easter egg dye and pounds of Christmas cookies. The little city bungalow will soon be sold; memories will be all we hold on to.
The great-grandkids: Emma and Abbie learning to dye eggs the way my generation did. {Of course, Heidi has the camera in front of her face. :) } And Becky with Katie Mae, their Grandma Mae watching from behind.
The last memory I have of Uncle Bill was at Christmas, this past year (2007). I didn’t get to go home for the 2006 holiday season, and after spending the entire summer of 2007 in
I’m so happy that my last chance to talk to him was full of humor and family stories.
On Sunday night, one of the kids (maybe Heidi?) said that, from the hospital bed, in his last hours, Uncle Bill opened his eyes and said, “I’m not dead yet!” A bit morbid from this perspective, perhaps, but this comment showed the spirit that Uncle Bill had.
Watching the grandsons carry the coffin at the cemetery the other day about turned my stomach. These kids are too young for this. Really, the youngest (Dan) is 15 years old, and the rest are older. They were all unusually quiet and somber. Ricky kept his Grandma Mae company. Carrie looked worse than I think I’ve ever seen her. Coming from her background, which wasn’t pleasant, and being adopted into this crazy big family, I bet her Grandpa Bill was one of the few men she grew up being able to trust. Carrie and Ricky couldn’t have been adopted into a better family. I think my heart almost broke more for her than for Uncle Bill.
Another precious picture: Aunt Mae talking with Aunt Anita, Uncle Bill’s (and my late grandpa’s) youngest sister. Anita is also the last living member of the Stegmann brothers and sisters. I bet Mae and Anita are really feeling lonely today.
It's fitting that we are welcoming several new members into our family. Among them, my brother's fiance Amber Doggendorf. They have been dating for a while now. Probably longer than I remember - but I just met her last Christmas. Yesterday, she mentioned to me that she wants a picture book or something that will help her learn and remember all of the members of the family. My first thought was to hug Amber and thank her for being a great family-oriented person. Then I thought memorizing all of this would be a daunting task.
So on a whim yesterday, after I got back to Kelly's house, I thought I would draw out the family tree for Amber, to help her. This task of mine actually proved rather daunting and ambitious in itself. Bev and I discussed the kids/cousins, grandkids and great-grandkids (as the generations have come to be called). We finally gave up temporarily while dealing with the Svanda grandkids and their spouses and great-grandkids. We were overwhelmed and couldn't remember who belonged to who. :)
But between ourselves, my mom and a couple of the cousins, we'll get this put together. One of my tasks for later this summer is to scan all of my old family photos and get them delivered to a variety of family members for their enjoyment. For now, we'll start with a new photo of a grandkid and two great-nieces: Me, Nicole and Becky.
Believe me, I understand just how much of an anomaly the Stegmann Family is in our culture today. To see nine brothers and sisters, in-laws, kids and grandkids together can be overwhelming to some. But to realize these people are talking, laughing, and sharing meals and memories in a relatively happy and open atmosphere takes one back to a time before cell phones and Ipods, to a time when families actually knew each other. Extended families came together in hard times and gathered together for more than just holidays. Short-comings were over-looked and victories were celebrated. Idealistic perhaps, but the Stegmanns basically were and still are the ideal American Family.
When a man who has a dream
Finds a woman who believes
There is nothing on this earth they can’t do
In my heart and my soul,
You’re the one who’s made me whole
And I am blessed by the love of you.
– Hobo Jim
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